Dedication: "To my wife, Alison, who thinks it's hilarious that I'm a marriage expert."
The All-Or-Nothing Marriage
The structure of successful marriages is revealed in this inspiring and practical new perspective on Americans’ most important relationship.
The institution of marriage in America is struggling. But, as Eli J. Finkel’s most recent research reveals, the best marriages today are better than the best marriages of earlier eras. Indeed, they are the best marriages the world has ever known.
This engaging and provocative book, which is ideal for book clubs, reverse engineers the best marriages—from the traditional to the utterly nontraditional—showing how any marriage can be better.
Finkel provides a sweeping historic overview, showing that the primary functions of marriage from 1620 to 1850 revolved around food, shelter, and protection from violence. From 1850 to 1965, the primary functions increasingly revolved around love, companionship, and sexual fulfillment. Nowadays, a new kind of marriage has emerged, one that can promote self-discovery, self-esteem, and personal growth like never before.
Finkel combines cutting-edge scientific research with practical advice, introducing a set of quick-and-dirty lovehacks, considering tactics for optimizing communication and responsiveness, and offering guidance on when to recalibrate our expectations. Collectively, these strategies help not only to solve acute problems but also to put our marriage on a path toward flourishing for the long run.
“Eli Finkel has written an incredible analysis of the state of marriage, and a useful guide for everyone trying to make their relationship work better. He also promised us cheeseburgers if we wrote this blurb. Please get those to us ASAP, Eli.”
-- Aziz Ansari and Eric Klinenberg, co-authors of the #1 New York Times bestseller Modern Romance
“After years of debate and inquiry, the key to a great marriage remained shrouded in mystery. Until now. In his All-or-Nothing Marriage, Eli Finkel reveals the fascinating ways in which marriage has evolved and the things we can all do to help this all-important relationship flourish. You will definitely want to read this book.”
-- Carol Dweck, author of Mindset: The New Psychology of Success
“In his deeply insightful and beautifully written book on the paradox of modern marriage, Eli Finkel shines the bright light of science on the most important, rewarding, and vexing of all human relationships.”
-- Daniel Gilbert, author of Stumbling on Happiness
“If you’ve ever wondered what science has to say about how marriage has changed over time and what makes for a great one, this is the book to read. Eli Finkel is one of the world’s leading experts on relationships, and his insights are both comprehensive and revealing.”
-- Adam Grant, New York Times bestselling author of Give and Take, Originals, and Option B (coauthored with Sheryl Sandberg)